Creating a Successful Blended Family

Raising a family is always a challenge. Raising a blended family introduces additional and unique
situations. When my husband and I got married 4 years ago we each had 2 children. At the time his daughter was 9 and his son 5. My boys were 3 and 2. My how quickly the years pass!

Here are some thoughts for those about to create or living in a blended family:

So, you're facing a challenge, but you can be successful. Creating a strong blended family actually involves principles similar to those used to create a strong marriage—mutual respect and consideration.

When two people marry, they bring together their differences to forge a common life. Likewise, a blended family brings together many people and their differences to create a common family life. This process involves both loss and gain. What you and your spouse had in your previous marriages is gone. But the good news is, you're in the process of creating a brand-new marriage, family, and home.

At the wedding, I highly recommend having the children participate. In our ceremony the minister had all 6 of us join hands in a circle. He talked about not only was a union in marriage being created, but a the union of a family as well. He mentioned each of their names and prayed specifically for each of them. I believe this made the marriage more real to them and made them feel like they were a part of something bigger than themselves, yet including them as well. Mommy and Tim were not just getting married. We were becoming a family together as well.

Making something new requires an interest in and respect for what's important to each member of your blended family. It is helpful to to ask each family member (even the youngest one) what he or she envisions for their new family.

Remember, you and your husband will also have to be deliberate about building your marriage. It's easy to hit the ground running because of all the children involved, but don't let your marriage take a back seat. Make sure you spend some couple-only time so you can work together as a team. If you don't, your stress will keep you functioning independently, and you'll end up having two separate families living under the same roof.

I would suggest reading some books together on Blended families? That way, you can begin to formulate how you want your family to look and how you want to work together. Respect each other's needs and hopes, and consider how your choices will impact the others.

I also suggest setting aside time for daily devotionals together as a family. While this is something all families can benefit from, I believe blended families have an additional need for this Spiritual bonding time. Every night after dinner, the children gather at the table with their dessert and we read the Word, explore a daily devotional, and discuss it together. It creates a great opportunity for everyone to come together as a family unit, no matter how busy and hectic the day as been.

A last thought...creating a family out of separate individuals with different backgrounds doesn't happen overnight. The first year or so of our marriage I was very frustrated because I felt like we had "his kids" and "my kids". But, it did happen. Today, I consider my stepchildren my "bonus kids"......they are the children God blessed me with the day I wed their father.