Mind your manners, please!
Ok, I need some help on this one. Is is just me or are children today almost completely without manners?
Tim & I were both brought up to be polite and always use our manners. I do not remember being taught these things, nor does my mother remember having to remind me of them. Perhaps is the Southerness in us, but manners are very important to both of us.
Now, I admit, our kids seem to do well with the polite thing. I hear them thank people, address adults as "sir" or "ma'am", and speak in a respectful tone. Most of the time, that is.
But, when it comes to table manners, they are like wild heathens. When Tim and I got married 5 years ago, we set down rules at the table. No chewing with your mouth open, don't talk with food in your mouth, and use your napkin (not your sleeve). After 5 years, the battle still rages. It is like they just don't get it.
I've tried to explain, if they demonstrate they can use table manners in public, we will be much more relaxed at home. Growing up, I knew how to behave at a friend's house & in a restaurant, but could be myself at home. But, our kids just don't do it. Not the 13 year old, not the 6 year old, and neither of the 2 in the middle. They smack the whole time they eat, talk with their mouth full, and constantly use their hand or shirt to wipe their face.
When they were younger, I expected this. I figured it was a work in progress. But, honestly, they are as bad as they were in preschool.
So, what do you do? I have a friend who literally smacks her kids in the mouth when they don't use manners. Apparently, it has worked. But, I don't want dinner to be a negative thing. I want our family gathering around the table to share a meal to be a pleasant experience for all of us. For the record, us constantly fussing at them isn't making for a nice dinner either.
Should we just make a good example and hope that at some point they will follow? Do we start imposing punishments for not minding their manners? Do we allow them to eat in front of the television and just ignore the behavior?
I know this may sound petty to some people, but manners are a big deal to us. We've seen very intelligent people turn into complete buffoons when they sit down to eat. In my opinion, having manners is a necessity.
Any suggestions?
posted by Andrea at 5:30 PM
4 Comments:
I don't think I'd let them sit in front of the TV...that's too much like rewarding bad behavior. When we were kids, while we were having dinner around the table, if she noticed one of us behaving like that, she immediately quit what she was doing and give us "the glare". You know, the one that shoots laser beams right through you. And pretty soon, everybody else would notice that she was doing that and then pretty soon everybody was staring at the offender. Usually that was enough to make us notice something was wrong and then we corrected it. When it wasn't enough, then either she or my dad would say something and that took care of it. I've done that a few times with Shelby, and so far it seems to have worked.
I would start with a nice LONG talk to the 13 year old being the oldest, xcept for you and your hubby, she could be setting an example for the younger ones. Let her know this and let her know he will be rewarded for the better manners they will catch on quick that is for sure..
I have a two year old and he is has been using his napkin and eating at the table with very polite manners and has been show that since he could sit at the table. We kind of use it as a game. Every time and very much show what we are doing. He follows by example. I have never punished him for not using his napkin or chewing with his mouth open... I have rewarded him for good before with gestures and positive feedback. He has responded extremely well to this. He does have his days where he is not the model child but for the most point. I feel he responded excellently to positive feedback and a strong example.
I don’t believe scaring or hitting a child encourages positive reactions. It just gets them to repress and act out but everyone parents differently.
Best of luck!
Oh dear me, my dad would poke me with his fork... and HARD! I sat beside him all through my growing up... I sit at the other end of the table now though! I still remind my kids... but for the most part they are pretty good... and I totally agree with you... manners are VERY important... and it seems to me that most of the kids today are without...
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