Update
It is amazing how denial works. I find myself going about my routine as if everything is fine. I think that is a "skill" I learned growing up. Ignore it and it will go away.
Well, I don't want to ignore this anymore. There is obviously a problem, and I want to work on it. I don't' like living feeling as if I am doing everything wrong at every moment. Every time I bring it up, so we can calmly talk about what is going on, I am told, "Can't you just leave it alone?" Yet, I am also told, "There are things we need to work on." and "Things can't just stay the way the are." I am not sure how to work on issues if they aren't discussed.
Apparently, my stepchildren have been going to their mom & grandparents every time I do anything wrong. Nevermind the facts that I get me & my kids up 2 hours earlier than we have to so that I can take my stepkids to school, that I spend 2 HOURS every single afternoon picking them up from school, that I help them with their homework every day, I sing songs with them, take them fun places, do daily devotionals with them, make a point EVERY DAY to compliment them on something they did well, or that I do much more with them than their mom. They complain about a couple of little things and from what I hear now their mother and my in-law's think I am a horrible person. Well, let me tell you what...I am a damn good stepmom...I do not care what they think. I do as much for my stepkids as I do for my own.
So now, like today, my stepson talked back to me 3 times. And I am powerless to do anything about it. If I say anything to him, he will blow it out of proportion and go whining to his mom & grandparents. Then I am the bad guy. However, no one has stopped to ask me about any of this. They just assume that it must be just as the 9 year old tells it. (sigh)
In the meantime...my husband complains about my son every time he has the opportunity. Yes, Austin is difficult. He has anxiety. He doesn't handle most situations in the proper way. But, being mean to him just makes it worse.
I am just at my wit's end. I don't know what to do. I do thank you for giving me the opportunity to vent for a few minutes. Amazingly, I feel calmer now. I guess that means it is time to head to the grocery store.
posted by Andrea at 4:20 PM
3 Comments:
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Oh I am feeling so for you right now!! I'm in that horrible step mom club too.
The entire first year we were together Mark worked 2nd shift the entire year - hardly saw Dale at all... it was as if he'd just lost both parents in one swoop. And there I was - punching bag when he was frustrated.
Mark would not back me up at all with the kids... he has the Princess too... He was totally unsupportive and it's when all our problems started that we are just now coming out of... He always takes the Princesses side - she always runs to her mother and that side of her family and whines and complains about me... it's always always all my fault.
It strikes me so hard that we are the only ones stepping up to the plate to truely raise these kids and we are putting ourselves in the line of fire to do it.
Things have gotten better here but we went through heck to get here. I handled it all really horribly, so I don't have any good advice - except just stay grounded in yourself - know that any time you are caring for another, especially a child, you are doing God's work and that He knows and He appreciates it.... even if they don't. I'm keeping you in my prayers!! And sending big hugs cause I know how frustrating it is!!
Do what you need to do and do what you know in your heart is right. It doesn't matter what other people think. Your only considerations need to be you, your family, and your God.
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